


Last Time

by SeizeTheJay



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir-centric, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Other, Self-Harm, adrien definitely has anxiety and at least depression, anyway this is me projecting, just in case, theres no knifes or anything debilitating involved but its there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 20:09:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16878402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeizeTheJay/pseuds/SeizeTheJay
Summary: Adrien's day starts off normal. It's too bad his father can't leave well enough alone.





	Last Time

  Adrien's day starts off like any other day of the year. He rolls out of his bed in his unnecessarily large room, goes through the motions of groggily taking a shower and dressing himself. Brushes his teeth, fixes his hair into an acceptable style and heads down to eat a lonely breakfast in an unnecessarily large dining room that his father has set up in his unnecessarily large mansion before Natalie can so much as make her way up the unnecessarily large staircase.

  As he trudges his way through an admittedly okay tasting breakfast that's really only missing having been cooked with love he learns that all he has on his schedule that day was to go through a photoshoot. His father will not be on site as he's "too important to lower himself to those replaceable twit's HR made the mistake of hiring's level" because Agreste Fashions is a machine and it must be in optimum efficiency mode at all times and of course having new interns who will make minor mistakes and are human is The Department of Human Resources' fault. Adrien hadn't been informed of this photoshoot so much as a day in advance which is exactly something his passive aggressive father would do in his underhanded tactics involving Operation: Make Adrien Feel Like Utter Crap For Being Forced To Ditch His Friends Once Again Because Maybe Then He'll Obey And Quit Public School Like I Demand Him To. He does not complain and is ushered into the car where he is driven to the shoot's location by his bodyguard.

  The photoshoot goes as well as any other one run by Agreste Fashions involving the head of the company's son can go. Which is to say that it goes perfectly because Gabriel Agreste will accept nothing less for and/or from his son. Everything has to be perfect if it involves his son, not that the poor interns have any respite when Adrien is not on set seeing as Gabriel is still a pigheaded dickwad with an entire light pole shoved up his ass. Nobody has the courage to call him that to his face but Adrien can honestly appreciate the ever evolving insults that he overhears when his father isn't around. Likewise, nobody ever gets told on for saying such things because anybody who has ever worked at or with Agreste Fashions and has had the honor of meeting Gabriel Agreste unanimously agree that he's on the same level of Absolute Insufferableness as Hawkmoth.

  After the extremely monotonous shoot Adrien is carted off back to his 'home'. He hardly makes it a step inside before his father is on his case.

 ."Adrien. I see you have returned on time for once." Gabriel Agreste is practically perched three steps up, posture stiff and expression cold. His appearance in general is emaculate as always, his normal suit only adding to his looming presence.

  "Yes, father."

  "Am I correct to assume you listened to instruction?"

  "Of course, father."

  The interrogation continues for another half hour, and Adrien tries his best throughout to simultaneously look small and unassuming and perfectly straight. That is to say, if he were to slouch in front of his father then that would only spurr the man on further. Adrien really does not want another posture lesson if he can avoid it, not when he's already being lectured on punctuality and responsibility. Not that Gabriel knows anything about those values when it comes to his only living family.

  Over the years Adrien has learned how to appear attentive during these lectures, but he's honestly too tired to put in the effort. The longer his father drones on the more numb he feels, and it must show because his father gains the expression of a baby who has just tried a lemon for the first time and Adrien is sharply dismissed to his room to study.

  Adrien silently makes his way to his luxurious holding cell, unpacks his things and plops at his desk. He waves Plagg off toward the mini fridge he has specifically so the Kwami can't bug him about his cheese addiction, and gets to work on one of his assignments.

  This particular one involves one of Shakespeare's plays. Adrien dimly registers the fact that he's slowly skimming through the play, and perhaps he should switch to physics? Solving complicated problems usually manages to cheer him up, not that it really matters at this point. Adrien is only trying distract himself, to postpone the inevitable.

  He only manages to power through about a half an act through the play before his thoughts begin to wander. He wonders what Nino is doing. Perhaps he's on that date he's been planning to ask Alya to? Or maybe he's in the school library with his maybe-girlfriend and Marinette? His musing begins to spiral from there. He feels like the worst friend imaginable for skipping out on their planned study session. Adrien isn't completely stupid, he knows that what few friends he has are constantly let down by his busy schedule. He also knows that he already started out as a shitty friend since he grew up so sheltered, not having the courage to put his foot down and quit the job he hates.

  He doesn't particularly notice when he begins to dissociate. One moment he's thinking about how bad of a friend he is and what he can get his friends to make up for his perpetual absence and the next moment he's curled up as small as possible in a corner of his room, shaking like a leaf. Adrien realizes at this point that he's going to have an anxiety attack at any moment. Of course, he tries to stop it, but he's just as useless at that as he is at being a good friend. He rapidly slips into a flurry of clawing at his scalp in an effort to ground himself, he's half sure as soon as the self destructive behavior starts Plagg shoots over to float by him in silent support. The kwami knows Adrien won't remember anything he says at this point but Adrien thinks he appreciates the effort anyway.

  Adrien does not remember when his last anxiety attack before this one was. He's supposed to document when they happened and what triggered them, according to his last therapist. But Adrien isn't in therapy anymore and he never will be again because his father can not get even an inkling of a fact that his son is even more of a failure than he thinks he is.

  He hopes his father never finds out about his mental problems. If Adrien has any say in it, which he most certainly does because he's the only one that knows for certain that Adrien Agreste even has mental problems aside from a really old man with a few degrees in psychology who was so old the last time they met he's probably passed on by now. Adrien will do everything in his power not to have to sit through multiple talks about why he cant be better. How his father wants his always perfect son back. As long as his father doesn't know that Adrien has anxiety then he will never have to suffer through more of those talks that most certainly just make him feel worse.

  Keeping those thoughts in mind, Adrien makes sure to keep his sobs as silent as is possible. Even though his vision is blurred so badly he doubts he could see his own hand an inch from his face and his lungs feel like they could burst at any moment, Adrien keeps himself quiet. Slowly, the panic overcomes him and it's all Adrien can do to keep quiet and stay coherent enough to make sure the bruises will only show up in discreet places. He can't cut himself, so nail indents hidden in his hair and on his sides will have to do. He's not afraid to die, he really could just end himself at any moment and he doubts he would have lasted the year if it weren't for the simple fact that he's Chat Noir and he's got an obligation to protect his partner above all else. So he makes sure the bruises that make him feel alive during the attacks are hidden.

  He doesn't remember when he curled up but by the time he manages to pry his face from it's place buried between his knees it's dark outside. He once again mechanically gets up from his spot and cleans himself. Makes sure not even a stray hair is out of place before he makes his way down to dinner. His father isn't at the table like usual and that's fine because at that moment Adrien probably exists but it's slightly to the left and he's having trouble processing sentences that are appropriate to say. It's his night to patrol anyway so getting upset again is not an option. He has an obligation to his city, his partner. He'll go through the motions like nothing happened and maybe tomorrow he'd at least get to see his friends. Maybe tomorrow would be better.

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this one in my notes app for forever. Its basically drabble length and very fast paced because this fic is absolutely 100% projection


End file.
